How to Bounce Back
On the power of perseverance & the beauty of being delusional
When people on the internet talk about “being delusional,” they tend to underemphasize the importance of resilience and overemphasize the role of self-confidence. Resilience is kind of like Confidence’s less hot, younger brother. It doesn’t get as much press and it’s not as “sexy,” but it’s just as important, if not more.
Whether you subscribe to the cult of delusion or not, resilience is key for overcoming adversity. Our ability to “bounce back” is integral to our overall mental health and quality of life. As someone who has personally struggled with all three, I can attest to the fact that life gets dramatically easier/less painful the more resilient you are. I still have a lot of wood to chop in this department, but here are 18 lessons that I’ve learned thus far:
To build confidence, “fake it til you make it,” is a perfectly valid tactic to leverage on your way to actually making it. People often “fake it” in an effort to combat imposter syndrome. I’ve done this, and it’s historically served me well. The facade of confidence will only carry you so far, though. You need to be able to back it up. Remember: “fake it till you make it," “refers to the idea of projecting self-confidence in order to convince yourself that you can attain a goal that you feel as though you do not yet have the skills to achieve.”1
Failing fast and often/early: knowing how to fail, being okay with failing, knowing what works best for you when it comes to recovering (e.g. not falling back into bad habits) will foster self-trust and confidence.
More learning by doing!!!! Less learning by learning.
“Done is better than perfect.” If, like me, you suffer from the disease that is perfectionism, remind yourself that done is better than perfect.
Practice resourcefulness. You will encounter situations where you don’t know the answer, but you should know how to triangulate the answer (i.e. know who to ask, where to find credible sources).
Adaptability helps us navigate change. It also makes us better leaders.
Confidence and resilience are intrinsically connected, so if you are lacking in one, it’s going to be really, really difficult to summon the other. This is why, above all else, you must prioritize your mental health. And pace yourself! Don’t let hustle culture fool you into thinking your worth can (or should) be measured by your productivity.
Don’t tie your entire identity or personality to one thing. This is a shaky foundation on which to lay your confidence upon. It’s a great way to set yourself up to fail.
Give yourself grace. Talk to yourself like you love yourself. Negative self-talk is poison.
When starting over, especially at a new job or when meeting new people, I’ve found that projecting confidence at the outset (even if you don’t feel super confident) can pay innumerable dividends. Confidence is interpreted as a measure of competence, whether we like it or not.2 In the beginning, when you’re new/unknown, you have the opportunity to set the tone. You control how you introduce and position yourself (and your brand).
Surround yourself with positive people. Build a strong network.3 Cultivate and nurture relationships. Do not self-isolate for extended periods of time. (Learn how to parse good feedback from bad. Not everyone is rooting for you. Not everyone has good intentions. Even when they do, sometimes the advice is simply just not good.)
Be less judgmental. We judge because we feel insecure or inadequate. If you find yourself being a Judgy-McJudgerson…take a step back and work through that.
Actively practice gratitude.
Feel your feelings. “Everywhere you go, there you are.” You can run from yourself/a situation for only so long. The sooner you confront it, the sooner you can recover from it.
Know when to walk away. Don’t fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy. Also, quitting is totally okay! There’s no shame in quitting.
Touch grass every now and again. Everyone has blindspots. Make a conscious effort to uncover yours. Be humble.
Ask for help!!!!! Lean on people for support. Don’t be annoying (obviously). Reciprocate. Be helpful. But PLEASE, for the love of god, ask for help.
Take comfort in the fact that you have already recovered from so many things in your life. You will continue to recover and it should continue to get easier over time.
Thank you so much for reading. You have no idea how much your support means to me. Please let me know in the comments if any of this resonated with you and/or what you’d like to see in future Substacks!
<3 guacandpico
Mann, Douglas L. “Fake It Till You Make It: What Every Translational Investigator Can Learn From the Rise and Fall of Theranos.” JACC. Basic to translational science vol. 7,1 99-100. 5 Jan. 2022, doi:10.1016/j.jacbts.2021.12.004.
Galinsky, Adam D, and Gavin Kilduff. “Be Seen as a Leader.” Harvard Business Review, Harvard Business School Publishing, 18 Aug. 2014, hbr.org/2013/12/be-seen-as-a-leader.
Shell, G Richard. “Confidence When You Need It Most: Five Rituals for Improved Performance.” Wharton Executive Education, 18 Aug. 2023, executiveeducation.wharton.upenn.edu/thought-leadership/wharton-at-work/2017/11/confidence-rituals/.
I absolutely loved this! I’m pretty young so I’m always so appreciative to have people like you who have a plethora of experiences to draw wisdom from write out all your advice. You’re so insightful and inspiring. Thank you as always!
This was a great read and your advice is spot on like always. Also wanted to say thank you for the career advice tiktoks you have made. For a while, I was unemployed and was not making it through interviews. Then I found your tiktoks about career advice and got hired to my current job which is less stressful and pays more than my old one.