Hitting Rock Bottom at 25

On losing my job, finding my identity & gaining confidence

“This is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I remember thinking as my boss delivered the news. I was 25 years old and I was losing my job. The only other person in the room was a woman I didn’t recognize, who apparently worked in Human Resources. She nervously relayed the details of my severance aloud, but I failed to register a single word she said. All I could hear was my heartbeat pounding in my chest. Out of instinct, I started cracking the knuckles on my left hand. I was confused. I felt embarrassed. I was filled with rage. My face felt hot and my body felt like it was on fire. I was on fire.

a rare throwback from this chaotic time in my life lol

There’s something uniquely humbling about getting escorted out of the building immediately after getting laid off. Companies do this for two reasons: to prevent retaliation and theft. Basically, they don’t want the freshly-fired person going apesh*t and making a scene and/or stealing anything. I was keenly aware of these things as a different HR person escorted me out. This only compounded my humiliation, of course. Before I knew it, I was outside. Because it was January in New York, I was too cold to focus on feeling embarrassed. At least for the few minutes it would take for me to reach the subway.

I walked the two-and-a-half blocks from the office to Rockefeller Center and hopped on the F train. Or perhaps it was the M. I can’t recall. On my ride of shame downtown, I attempted to reconcile with what had just occurred. This had been my first, “big girl” job out of college. The man who had fired me was the same man who had promoted me just four months prior. He was the same boss who’d handed me a $75,000 bonus check the year before. Imagine that: a $75,000 *bonus* at 23 years old. Perhaps it was at that point when I realized how absurd it all was. And how lucky¹ I was. It was then that I reminded myself, for the second time, “this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

When one of the worst things that can happen to you happens² and you experience the fall from grace that is losing your (extremely cushy) job, not knowing how you’re going to pay your rent, or what you’re going to do about health insurance…it makes you (more) resilient, and, if you’re anything like me, it also gives you an insurance policy for success. I was going to be “successful” regardless. But now I *had* to be successful. I *had* to show those people that I was bigger than that place.³ I had to show myself that I was more than that job. Hell hath no motivation like a former-gifted-child-perfectionist-overachiever who’s been fired. And that’s a beautiful thing. In losing my job, I gained perspective. I also learned some fairly critical life lessons: 

1. The best part about hitting your personal rock bottom is realizing that the only way to go is up. 

2. Relationships are everything; cultivate and nurture yours.

3. Get good at talking to people. Get really good at it. It will pay dividends.

4. Goodwill begets more goodwill.

5. Spite can be a righteous motivator.

6. It’s never too late to reinvent your life.

7. It’s never too late to renovate your life.

8. Living well truly is the best revenge.

9. We are capable of so much more than we realize.

10. We are so much more powerful than we realize.

11. You are not your job and your job is not your identity.

I’m 33 now, and a lot has transpired since that fateful day in 2016. I’m relieved to share that getting fired was ultimately not the best thing that ever happened to me, as I was so sure it would be, but rather one of the best things to happen. It was an important inflection point in my life and it forever changed me. But, there’s so much life to live and experiences to experience. The best thing that will ever happen to me has yet to happen, baby. And I can only wish the same for you.

when I graduated from Yale with my MBA in 2021

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. You have no idea how much your support means to me. 

<3 guacandpico

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Let me know in the comments if any of this resonated with you and/or what you’d like to see in future Substacks! 

1. Of course, it’s important that I acknowledge my vast array of privileges here. I come from a “good,” upper middle class family who could and would help me with money if needed. I had savings. I had a modest professional network at that point. I was also super young, unencumbered by dependents, student loans, a mortgage, etc. I also had four whole months before my health insurance was due to run out. If I lost my apartment, I could always move in with my parents. The list goes on. 

2. Obviously, I am being hyperbolic here. Losing your job is life-ruining for some and a negligible resume footnote for others. Assigning the loss of one’s livelihood as “one of the best things that ever happened to [them],” is a luxury not afforded to most. At least not in America. As long as you have your health, you can build from there, etc.

3. It’s been 8 years and I’ve since evolved. I no longer care about proving my value or worth to anyone besides myself and those I admire/respect. But it took a while to get to that place!